tansali paparazzi

6.              THE BIBLE ANSWER
                             A minister parked his car ina no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. So he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 100 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES." When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note, "I've circled this block for 10 years, If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION."

7.               SATAN
                             A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the back entrance. Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving. So satan walked up to the man and said, do you know who I am? The man replied, Yep, sure do. Aren't you afraid of me? satan asked. Nope, sure ain't. said the man. More than perturbed, satan asked, why aren't you afraid of me? The man calmly replied, Been married to your sister for 18 years.

8.              HOSPITAL BILLS
                           A man was brought to Mercy hospital, and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy who was waiting by his bed. We do need to know, however, how do you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance, pay in cash or have any relatives to pay the bill. Just my sister in New Mexico who is a spinster nun. Oh, I must correct you, Mr Smith. Nuns are not spinsters; they are married to God. Wonderful, said Smith. In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law.

9.                REARRANGE THE LETTERS
           
              DORMITORY = DIRTY ROOM
              PRESBYTERIAN = BEST IN PRAYER
              ASTRONOMER = MOON STARER
              DESPERATION = A ROPE ENDS IT
              THE EYES = THEY SEE
              GEORGE BUSH = HE BUGS GORE
              THE MORSE CODE = HERE COMES DOTS
              SLOT MACHINES = CASH LOST IN ME
              ANIMOSITY = IS NO AMITY
              ELECTION RESULTS = LIES- LET'S RECOUNT 
              SNOOZE ALARMS = ALAS! NO MORE Z'S
              A DECIMAL POINT = I'M A DOT IN PLACE
              THE EARTHQUAKES = THAT QUEER SHAKE
              ELEVEN PLUS TWO = TWELVE PLUS ONE
              MOTHER-IN-LAW = WOMAN HITLER

10.                  RIDDLES
             
               Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
               A. German Shepherds.
               Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
               A. Snowflakes.
               Q. Who designed Noah's ark?
               A. An architect.
               Q. Who is the fastest runner in history?
               A. Adam - because he was the first in the human race.
               Q. Who was the best actor in the bible?
               A. Samson, he brought the house down!
               Q. Why are there no Christians in heaven yet?
               A. Because they are still at the gates, saying to each other: "After     you", "No, I insist after you..." 
               Q. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
               A. Regular rocks are too heavy.
               Q. Why shouldn't you tell an Easter egg a good joke?
               A. It might crack up!
               Q. How does the Easter bunny stay in shape?
               A. Lots of eggs-ercise!        

Who would you pick as the sexiest man in entertainment? Dbanj, Jim Iyke, Jay Jay Okocha, John Fashanu, Van Vicker, Gideon Okeke, Durella, Banky W, RMD, Kevin Luciano, Brian Okwara, Chidi Mokeme, Chet Anekwe(CBA), Ebuka Obi Uchendu, Wild child, Ikechukwu, Naeto C, Yemi Blaq, Tuface. CLICK ON THIS LINK AND VOTE ON THE POLL.....

http://simplyhabeeb.blogspot.com/2009/08/who-would-you-pick-as-sexiest-man-in.html

It is no longer news that over ten nollywood stars were selected to be brand ambassadors for africa's leading telecommunication firm, globacom and that these stars included Rita Dominic, Ini Edo, Ramsey Nouah, Van Vicker, Desmond Elliot, Kate Henshaw, Monalisa Chinda, Funke Akindele, Chioma Chukwuka Akpotha, Nonso Diobi, Mike Ezereonye, Ali Nuhu, Uche Jombo. They were recently in Jozi, south africa for the shooting of the glo commercial "we gat people talking" and from the look of things, it went well. Here are pics from the shoot....








        The glo stars having a blast...








        "we gat people talking"






               "nollywood with golly"





                              Hmmm.....see the stars dancing and singing...





                        Glo babe and Glo dudes!




      Jackie and Ini





                         Ini Edo, Rita-D, Uche Jumbo, Chioma, Van Vicker




                     Ramsey Nouah and Jim Iyke






                     Mike Ezereonye, Jim Iyke and Ramsey

Written by THICKMADAM on naijarules.




Dear Ms Jackie,
I read a harsh blog post about you a few weeks ago. And while I haven't shied away from harsh writeups in the past myself, I am also a firm a believer of drawing flies with honey. I'll get right to it.

Ms Jackie, if I were a fashion judge, and you were being tried in my court, I daresay you would be found guilty of all charges leveled against you. Indeed.

You may not know it: you are a very pretty girl, but you hide it behind the big wigs and weaves, (which in my opinion, do nothing for you, and I think you should loose them, or if you must use them, use less. Those braids you normally wear, the micros? those work best for you, I think), and the makeup.

Who does your makeup? You should fire them as they are very bad for you. I wish you could see what I see. It appears your make up person puts a mask on you!! I don't know why you hide behind that mask of make-up, but you might want to caution him/her to ease up on it. You are a very beautiful woman but you hide under that cake of powder, and foundation, and eyeshadow, and OH LORD - THE LIPSTICK/GLOSS!!! Please Jackie. Listen to me. IT IS TOO MUCH.
waaaaaaaaaaaaaait a minute. You do your makeup yourself, don't you?
Ms Jackie Appiah, you do do it yourself!!!
Resist and desist.
Retreat and surrender your face to a competent make-up artist.
If you cannot find a competent one (and I hope there are many where you are) then please, when you travel, ask around for a respected makeup person and beg them to teach you how to apply the make-up, and to show you which colours are right for you. You fall prey sometimes to using the wrong colour foundation and powders.
So, I beg you, find a competent make-up artist and let them show you what to use and how to use them.

Now Jackie, girl talk time. Just between us. You and me, no body else.
Those clothes? Too much.
The jewelry? Too much.
Those too, too, bright colours?
Those earrings, bangles, chokers, necklaces? Sometimes you go a little overboard and I can hardly hear your character because i'm distracted by those loud screaming colours.

Have mercy Jackie, temper fashion with mercy please!

I only want to watch a movie. Not end up in the hospital.

I'm not saying don't wear them, but you don't have to wear a pink shirt with a yellow skirt and pink headband, pink glasses, pink earrings, pink necklace, 10 pink bangles, pink wrist watch, pink leggings under the skirt, and pink shoes.
Jackie, does it seem right to you? DOES IT?!!!

Jackie, do not vex me please. This is just a friendly nudge, if you don't harken to this nudge, there will be trouble.

Now, I want to believe that you don't know any better, so I'm begging you now, do a research and find reputable establishment that caters to dressing artists, you need them pronto.

I have some questions that bug me each time I see a Nigerian or Ghanaian movie where the female characters always put on an unscripted, uncalled for, fashion show throughout the entire movie.
The questions are:
Who dresses the actors?
Who do the clothes belong to?
Are they your own personal clothes?
Do you do any research into your characters? (Who they are? what they do?)
Do you, Jackie Appiah, believe that an actress should dress according to character?
When you play a lawyer, for instance, should your character not be dressed a little bit less ... provocatively as you did in "Her Excellency"?
Really Jackie, you must step up your game, separate yoruself from the pack. And you are not going to do that with those clothes.

I have talked with a jury of your peers and they have found you guilty of:
1. HyperHairism - HyperHairism is the act of using too much weave and wearing big wigs, and using colour of hair that does not suit you
2. Hiding behind masks and layers of make-up, using too much make-up.
3. Assaulting the audience with too bright loud colours
4. Not dressing according to character

However, with the power vested in me as a judge, I have decided to commute your sentence on the following conditions:
1. Seek help for the condition known as HyperHairism from the proper channels
2. Ease up and tone down on the makeup and stop hiding behind the mask (again seeking help from reputable establishments)
3. This is the most important condition: GO AND FIND A GOOD STYLIST, ONE WHO IS WORTH THEIR SALT AND LET THEM DRESS YOU EACH TIME YOU GO ON SET. In fact, this court must approve of your selection before you employ them. (this court does not trust the judgement of the "costumiers" who have been dressing you for the movies)
4. Ensure that you dress according to character. if you role calls for a lawyer, this court does not want to see your bra, to quote a reputable member of NR "playing peek-a-boo"

I would be remiss if I did not ask you to take a few acting classes from a reputable place. Everbody needs classes to brush up on their skills.


You will be summoned back to this august court at an appropriate time for a review, and failure to comply with these conditions will result in a punishment that will be determined at the time.



(P.S. Who makes your traditional clothes? Can you slip me their contact info to Thickmadam@yahoo.com
They do a most wonderful job, you always look fabulous in your trads)



Adjourning Court,
ThickMadam (judge, jury and executioner)

Caroline's husband put this on facebook. It would be great to see people who are interested support this young lady who was once active and full of life.

Around the corner I have a friend
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone
And I never see my old friend's face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell,
And he rang mine…If, we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men...
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name...
"Tomorrow" I say "I will call on Jim"
"Just to show that I'm thinking of him."
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
and distance between us grows and grows...
Around the corner! Yet miles away,
"Here's a telegram sir-"
"Jim died today."
And that's what we get and deserve in the end...
Around the corner, a vanished friend...
If you love someone, tell them...
Remember always to say what you mean...
Never be afraid to express yourself...

Take this opportunity to tell someone
what they mean to you...
Seize the day and have no regrets...
Most importantly, stay close to your
friends and family, for they have helped
make you the person that you are today
and are what it's all about anyway...

By Rita Dominic
first published in What's New Magazine 

Oftentimes, Nigerians travel out to the west for vacation, ignoring some of the beautiful spots in our great continent.  Prior to this trip, I had never been to South East, Africa, so this was indeed a fantastic opportunity for me to start visiting those parts of our continent.  The advert promoting my trip to Malawi was on television for a while so workers at the Muritala Mohammed International airport were especially nice to me on my way out.  I felt all fuzzy and teary eyed when about 10 immigration officials called me aside to wish me a safe trip.

Malawi has been in the news lately because American music star Madonna adopted a child from there, and is currently trying to adopt another one.  I applaud Madonna for her good works but Malawi is so much more and I can understand why she and other celebrities choose to go there on vacation.  The country was originally known as Nyasaland and is separated from Tanzania and Mozambique by Lake Malawi. Malawi also shares a boarder with Zambia to the Northwest and the official languages are English and Chichewa.

Accompanied by my manager Mildred, my personal assistant Chioma and celebrity photographer Buki Tijani, we flew to the capital city of Lilongwe via Johannesburg on South Africa Airways (SAA).  We had to fly 5 hours to Johannesburg to catch a connecting flight to Lilongwe which was only a 2 hour flight from Jo-burg.  The coldest month of the year in Malawi is June, so I made sure I packed some warm clothes to protect my hot West African body.

My arrival to Lilongwe was memorable.  There were plenty of people at the airport to welcome me including some Nigerian women who live in Lilongwe.  I secretly wished they would prepare some local Naija dishes to bring to my hotel room.  Don’t laugh, I always long for Nigerian food especially Afang soup no matter where I go. 

The warmth of the ordinary Malawian was evident right from Lilongwe airport.  They are laid back and full of smiles for the anxious visitor.  The motorcade ride from the Airport to Sunbird Capital Hotel was nice and I enjoyed looking out the window to see the wild flowers and tobacco farms along the road. The air was very clean and something about Lilongwe reminded me of the Irish country side.

The Sunbird hotel is well maintained, beautiful and appealing to the discerning eye.  I was especially impressed by the lush green grounds, something that is often lacking in many Nigerian hotels today.  We were welcomed by a friendly manager and a smiling waiter with a tray filled with glasses of refreshing fruit cocktail. My suite overlooked a beautifully manicured landscape which included a very inviting sparkling pool. 

After an hour of rest, I was off to a radio station for interviews, then to dinner at the Crossroads and then more interviews.  There is only one local television station in Malawi and it started operations only 8 years ago.  I was informed elections were only a few days away so images of my visit were indeed a welcome distraction from the various political programmes on the local TV.  The current president Dr Bingu Wa Mutharika had served for 5 years and was facing some competition from the opposition but as I write, he has been declared the winner in a mostly free and fair election.

The first president of Nyasaland and Malawi was Dr. Hastings Kamuzu Banda.  Many people in Malawi hold him in high esteem as the founding father of the country.  In 2006, a mausoleum was erected in President Banda’s honour.  I visited the Banda mausoleum on the morning of my second day in Malawi, May 14.  During the tour around the expansive complex, I was informed that President Banda’s body was preserved to last 99 years.  It was heart warming to know that Malawians appreciated the contributions Banda made to the country and even paid tribute to him by celebrating his birthday which coincidentally was same day I visited.

After my visit to the mausoleum, I attended a press conference to meet and mingle with members of the Malawian press.  There were many questions about Nollywood, women empowerment and the fight against AIDS.  I sensed that the media were doing their part to encourage women to excel in society.  HIV/AIDS is very prevalent among the adult population in Malawi so my answers to questions about the disease seemed very important to them.  It can be nerve wracking meeting members of the press but I most say that this was a pleasant and informative meeting all around.

After the press conference and a special interview with Studio 53, a popular show on MNET, it was time to meet the fans.  My heart was pumping as I saw so many fans waiting at the multi-choice offices for autographs.  I meet fans all the time but I am always filled with anxiety each and every time.  Are you surprised?  Well I will let you in on a little secret, actors are generally shy people in their regular lives and not as brave as people think they are.  Malawian fans were so excited and cheerful which made it easier for me that afternoon.  I signed so many autographs, my fingers went numb but nevertheless it was nice to see lots of smiling faces. 

My final event in Lilongwe was a cocktail party for subscribers of Africa magic. The subscribers won a contest by cutting out adverts in the local newspaper and correctly identifying several Nollywood stars. A public lottery was then conducted and the winners announced.  My entrance into the cocktail venue was choreographed with two Malawian actors acting a comedy skit.  My character in the skit was Rita Dominic, the Nollywood actress. I thought it was quite funny and the audience seemed to enjoy our performance.  We called it a night after food, drinks and beautiful music from gospel singer Ethel Kamuwendo Banda.   

I woke up early the next day to fly 45 minutes to Blantyre, the largest city in Malawi.  I am informed that it is the oldest urban centre in East, Central and Southern Africa. Blantyre is to Lilongwe what Lagos is to Abuja except it is not quite as chaotic as Lagos.  The city sits on various residual hills surrounded by several mountains.  Even though the weather was colder than in Lilongwe, I fell in love with Blantyre at first sight. There was a constant bustle of people and it was easy to figure out why it’s called the commercial capital of Malawi. I am naturally drawn to the hustle and bustle of big cities which obviously explains why I love living in Lagos.

In Blantyre, we checked in to the Sunbird Soche Hotel and they gave us VIP treatment all the way.  We ate lunch in a private dining room upstairs away from the prying eyes of the public.  The staff members were friendly and motivated me to try local food Nsima with pumpkin soup and Chambo. Nsima can be compared to our local fufu in Nigeria but it is made from maize not yam or cassava. Chambo is the most popular fish in Malawi. The meal was delicious and I must add that they make wonderful deserts at the Sunbird Soche; it took all my will power not to go back for seconds.

The most emotional and heart tugging part of my trip was my visit to the Chambo Orphanage Mission later that afternoon.  To whom much is given, much is expected.  It has been a real struggle to reach the heights that I have in the industry today but I cannot begin to imagine how I could have done it without the help of my late parents and my loving siblings.  Imagine then what hope little orphans have to make it in the world. 

When Multi-Choice Malawi approached my management about this trip, we requested that a visit to an orphanage be added to the schedule.  Having been to other orphanages in Nigeria, war torn Liberia and Sierra Leone, I make it a point now to go see the kids everywhere I go in Africa.  I was grateful when my hosts graciously accepted our request and even went as far as donating DSTV equipment and subscription for life to the orphanage.

I was overwhelmed by the beautiful faces of these orphaned children and the courage of the owners and workers.  The children danced and sang and I must say many of them do have a future in entertainment. Thanks to the kind gesture of multi-choice, I officially handed the equipment and subscription to the orphanage.  Now the children can watch the educational channels on television just like other children.  Children are our future and it’s our duty as adults to encourage African children to strive to succeed.  I am working towards my dream to start a scholarship fund for less privileged children in our society.

Thanks to Odette and Tatanya of Multi-choice, I got some personal time from the schedule.  We drove up to the Zomba Plateau which is over 2000 meters above sea level.  Zomba town used to be the capital of Malawi until 1974 when Lilongwe became the capital.  It is an hour drive from Blantyre and it gave me the opportunity to see the Malawian countryside.

When we got to Zomba, there were political pamphlets littering the roads. We were told it was left by politicians making their last hour political campaigns.  It took us another 20 minutes to drive up to the beautiful Sunbird Ku Chawe mountain resort.

The plateau is covered in African Juniper and Widdringtonia trees, and many beautiful streams and lakes.  The stunning scenic views atop the plateau made me so happy but I must warn you if you are afraid of heights, do not attempt it.  You can head to the beach instead.  Buki Tijani, our official photographer and over confident Manchester United fan is afraid of heights and I believe she must have held her breath all the way up this gorgeous plateau.

After a sumptuous buffet at the Ku Chawe, we drove higher up the plateau in a massive hummer looking utility vehicle. We saw more tranquil lakes and beautiful waterfalls in the middle of this dense forest but also saw many trees that were cut down by locals.  We saw some of them transporting firewood down the plateau on their bicycles.  I was assured by our guide that the Malawian government regulates the cutting of the trees in hopes that this beautiful place will be around for generations to come.

My trip to Malawi ended with a huge concert at Blantyre Sports Centre on Friday, May 15.  My hosts were excited because the show had sold out hours before the show, something I guess does not happen often.  Apparently, Malawians prefer buying their tickets on the day of the event not unlike Nigerians.

For years to come, I will remember the faces of the children at the Chomba mission orphanage especially the little boy who suffers from HIV.  Whenever I remember the calming effect the Zomba plateau had on me, a little smile will appear on my face.  All in all, I hope Multi-Choice will do this again; it is a wonderful way of giving back to the subscribers and the countries that they operate in. 

To the warm heart with love!!!!  

I enjoy tansal because I have met a number of really nice , highly inteligent,respectful and beautiful people out here. I am able to chat when I am stressed out, have a few laughs with people and discuss important events around the world. I have been able to listen to good african music all in one place without having to search elsewhere, watch videos, discuss various things, chat and look at celebrity photos. It is truely a really nice social networking and entertainment site for africans all over the world and is one of its kind.  I envisage that it will be great in the future and has huge potential. I wish the administrators all the best and will contribute my quota to this great site. Plls feel free and give me a response about how you feel about this or your general thoughts and views....... waiting for your responses!

That actor/Glo ambassador, Van Vicker has a huge fan base across africa and beyond is indisputable, that he is also passionate about his work and is ready to take it further is stating the obvious. I did write sometime recently about his intentions of taking a month break to take extensive training in a film school in US.








Well according to Van in his facebook status which reads thus "Landed in the US to begin six weeks of school. Will also be premiering my new movie RAJ in some states here. I will publish details soon. Thanks for your support".

So thats it, you have heard from the horse's mouth, it wasnt just a stunt by those guys from the press or procastination from Van, he did mean his word and i must commend him for this. This is bravery, humility and passion for excellence in his craft, i can only but wish him the best in his 6 week training. From me, its GOOD LUCK all the way, Van!