tansali paparazzi

Written by THICKMADAM on naijarules.




Dear Ms Jackie,
I read a harsh blog post about you a few weeks ago. And while I haven't shied away from harsh writeups in the past myself, I am also a firm a believer of drawing flies with honey. I'll get right to it.

Ms Jackie, if I were a fashion judge, and you were being tried in my court, I daresay you would be found guilty of all charges leveled against you. Indeed.

You may not know it: you are a very pretty girl, but you hide it behind the big wigs and weaves, (which in my opinion, do nothing for you, and I think you should loose them, or if you must use them, use less. Those braids you normally wear, the micros? those work best for you, I think), and the makeup.

Who does your makeup? You should fire them as they are very bad for you. I wish you could see what I see. It appears your make up person puts a mask on you!! I don't know why you hide behind that mask of make-up, but you might want to caution him/her to ease up on it. You are a very beautiful woman but you hide under that cake of powder, and foundation, and eyeshadow, and OH LORD - THE LIPSTICK/GLOSS!!! Please Jackie. Listen to me. IT IS TOO MUCH.
waaaaaaaaaaaaaait a minute. You do your makeup yourself, don't you?
Ms Jackie Appiah, you do do it yourself!!!
Resist and desist.
Retreat and surrender your face to a competent make-up artist.
If you cannot find a competent one (and I hope there are many where you are) then please, when you travel, ask around for a respected makeup person and beg them to teach you how to apply the make-up, and to show you which colours are right for you. You fall prey sometimes to using the wrong colour foundation and powders.
So, I beg you, find a competent make-up artist and let them show you what to use and how to use them.

Now Jackie, girl talk time. Just between us. You and me, no body else.
Those clothes? Too much.
The jewelry? Too much.
Those too, too, bright colours?
Those earrings, bangles, chokers, necklaces? Sometimes you go a little overboard and I can hardly hear your character because i'm distracted by those loud screaming colours.

Have mercy Jackie, temper fashion with mercy please!

I only want to watch a movie. Not end up in the hospital.

I'm not saying don't wear them, but you don't have to wear a pink shirt with a yellow skirt and pink headband, pink glasses, pink earrings, pink necklace, 10 pink bangles, pink wrist watch, pink leggings under the skirt, and pink shoes.
Jackie, does it seem right to you? DOES IT?!!!

Jackie, do not vex me please. This is just a friendly nudge, if you don't harken to this nudge, there will be trouble.

Now, I want to believe that you don't know any better, so I'm begging you now, do a research and find reputable establishment that caters to dressing artists, you need them pronto.

I have some questions that bug me each time I see a Nigerian or Ghanaian movie where the female characters always put on an unscripted, uncalled for, fashion show throughout the entire movie.
The questions are:
Who dresses the actors?
Who do the clothes belong to?
Are they your own personal clothes?
Do you do any research into your characters? (Who they are? what they do?)
Do you, Jackie Appiah, believe that an actress should dress according to character?
When you play a lawyer, for instance, should your character not be dressed a little bit less ... provocatively as you did in "Her Excellency"?
Really Jackie, you must step up your game, separate yoruself from the pack. And you are not going to do that with those clothes.

I have talked with a jury of your peers and they have found you guilty of:
1. HyperHairism - HyperHairism is the act of using too much weave and wearing big wigs, and using colour of hair that does not suit you
2. Hiding behind masks and layers of make-up, using too much make-up.
3. Assaulting the audience with too bright loud colours
4. Not dressing according to character

However, with the power vested in me as a judge, I have decided to commute your sentence on the following conditions:
1. Seek help for the condition known as HyperHairism from the proper channels
2. Ease up and tone down on the makeup and stop hiding behind the mask (again seeking help from reputable establishments)
3. This is the most important condition: GO AND FIND A GOOD STYLIST, ONE WHO IS WORTH THEIR SALT AND LET THEM DRESS YOU EACH TIME YOU GO ON SET. In fact, this court must approve of your selection before you employ them. (this court does not trust the judgement of the "costumiers" who have been dressing you for the movies)
4. Ensure that you dress according to character. if you role calls for a lawyer, this court does not want to see your bra, to quote a reputable member of NR "playing peek-a-boo"

I would be remiss if I did not ask you to take a few acting classes from a reputable place. Everbody needs classes to brush up on their skills.


You will be summoned back to this august court at an appropriate time for a review, and failure to comply with these conditions will result in a punishment that will be determined at the time.



(P.S. Who makes your traditional clothes? Can you slip me their contact info to Thickmadam@yahoo.com
They do a most wonderful job, you always look fabulous in your trads)



Adjourning Court,
ThickMadam (judge, jury and executioner)