tansali paparazzi

6.              THE BIBLE ANSWER
                             A minister parked his car ina no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. So he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 100 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES." When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note, "I've circled this block for 10 years, If I don't give you a ticket, I'll lose my job. LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION."

7.               SATAN
                             A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the back entrance. Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving. So satan walked up to the man and said, do you know who I am? The man replied, Yep, sure do. Aren't you afraid of me? satan asked. Nope, sure ain't. said the man. More than perturbed, satan asked, why aren't you afraid of me? The man calmly replied, Been married to your sister for 18 years.

8.              HOSPITAL BILLS
                           A man was brought to Mercy hospital, and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy who was waiting by his bed. We do need to know, however, how do you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance, pay in cash or have any relatives to pay the bill. Just my sister in New Mexico who is a spinster nun. Oh, I must correct you, Mr Smith. Nuns are not spinsters; they are married to God. Wonderful, said Smith. In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law.

9.                REARRANGE THE LETTERS
           
              DORMITORY = DIRTY ROOM
              PRESBYTERIAN = BEST IN PRAYER
              ASTRONOMER = MOON STARER
              DESPERATION = A ROPE ENDS IT
              THE EYES = THEY SEE
              GEORGE BUSH = HE BUGS GORE
              THE MORSE CODE = HERE COMES DOTS
              SLOT MACHINES = CASH LOST IN ME
              ANIMOSITY = IS NO AMITY
              ELECTION RESULTS = LIES- LET'S RECOUNT 
              SNOOZE ALARMS = ALAS! NO MORE Z'S
              A DECIMAL POINT = I'M A DOT IN PLACE
              THE EARTHQUAKES = THAT QUEER SHAKE
              ELEVEN PLUS TWO = TWELVE PLUS ONE
              MOTHER-IN-LAW = WOMAN HITLER

10.                  RIDDLES
             
               Q. What do they call pastors in Germany?
               A. German Shepherds.
               Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
               A. Snowflakes.
               Q. Who designed Noah's ark?
               A. An architect.
               Q. Who is the fastest runner in history?
               A. Adam - because he was the first in the human race.
               Q. Who was the best actor in the bible?
               A. Samson, he brought the house down!
               Q. Why are there no Christians in heaven yet?
               A. Because they are still at the gates, saying to each other: "After     you", "No, I insist after you..." 
               Q. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
               A. Regular rocks are too heavy.
               Q. Why shouldn't you tell an Easter egg a good joke?
               A. It might crack up!
               Q. How does the Easter bunny stay in shape?
               A. Lots of eggs-ercise!        

1.       THE TOY GOES TO....
                Tom had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the toy. "Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?" Five small voices answered in unison. "Okay, dad, you get the toy."

2.      NO. 1 ON OUR LIST - LITERALLY!
                  My father was completely lost in the kitchen and never ate unless someone prepared a meal for him. When mother was ill, however, he volunteered to go to the supermarket for her. She sent him off with a carefully numbered list of seven items. Dad returned shortly, very proud of himself, and proceeded to unpack the grocery bags. He had one bag of sugar, two dozen eggs, three hams, four boxes of detergent, five boxes of crackers, six eggplants, and seven green peppers.

3.      COME DOWN TO MY LEVEL
                    An illiterate woman boarded a plane from enugu to abuja in nigeria. She was booked for an economy class seat. Just after the plane took-off, the woman stood up and went to sit in the first class cabin. The flight attendant went to ask her to go back and sit in econmy class because that's where the ticket allowed her to sit but she refused. She had paid and wanted the best seat. Then the attendant informed the Jnr. pilot. The Jnr. pilot went and spoke with the lady and she still refused. Then the Jnr. pilot went to inform the chief pilot. The chief pilot said, I am married to an illiterate therefore i'll go and talk to her. The chief went and whispered some words to the woman and she peacefully stood up and went to her economy class seat. The attendant and Jnr. pilot surprisingly asked, sir what did you tell her? The chief pilot said: easy guys, i just told her that first class is not going to abuja, only economy class is.

4.        FAMILY TREE
                      A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?' The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made." Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved." The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?" The mother answered, "Well, dear, it's very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

5.         I'M THIRSTY
                       A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later......."Da-ad..." What? I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water? No. You had your chance. Lights out. Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....." WHAT? I'm THIRSTY. Can i have a drink of water?? Itold you NO!! If you ask again, i'll have to spank you!! Five minutes later....."Daaaa-aaaad......" WHAT! When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?